Runaway

Peace and beauty, runaway from today

The Mountain from TSO Photography on Vimeo.

Searching for the unreachable, unobtainable, something. What the unreachable is, I don’t know.  I know it is there, it’s always there – right behind my eyes, itching the back of my brain, scrabbling to escape. It’s in the sky, in the stars, in my feet and shin muscles, fingertips, on the stairs over the railway, it’s around the corner you saw a fraction too late.

It’s down the alley with the broken windows and peeling paint you walked past everyday for months and only just saw. Behind a door that’s not yet been opened. It’s in everything – utterly everything – the bitter taste of life, the swirl of conversation over Polish beer, the pain of dry broken and stamped on chances, the gulp of coffee that burnt the roof of your mouth and then your stomach, the dreary moments that drag at work, the glance out the window, the mental kicking you give yourself for not taking a chance, bumping into someone you rarely see as you walked the long way back.

If there was a conclusion, a direction, sense of ease; this would not be here.

To step out of the body would be nice, fresh. Leaving behind a skin as reptiles do, regenerating into a new, better, stronger, quicker, more efficient self. To step out of the mind would be, unfathomably good. A sterile slate of emptiness.

Questions with no answers. Although I appreciate answers

Sometimes  you see someone, with life bursting out there eyes like they are trying to commit eye-suicide and jump right out of their face.

These are the people that seem alive. These are the people that have not lost the childlike curiosity that gets squashed and squashed and squashed away, the older you get as if some greasy belly-button fluff.

Why do people lose this spark and curiosity? How can life be so uneventful and unexciting and dreary that morbid existence takes over and that spark is gone. Then suddenly they are in their forties, fifties, sixites saying Fuck. What the hell have I done with my life.

My questions…..

What makes you feel alive, truly alive?

What do you want to do before you die?

(which is something you should do now, today, if feasible. Who know’s whats outside right now. Endless chaotic possibilities and scenarios)