In order to survive cycling London, I really, truly may as well become a cyber fag. No seriously, it makes sense.

For one, in order to not gag, wretch, constantly gob and want to vomit, you’ll need a gas mask. After cycling three miles and back, you find yourself unable to shut your mouth for the taste of ROADEATH wanting to come out your throat.

The Cyber bicycling: CYBLING

Next, there is the problem of visibility. A front and back light is not enough. In order for all the other bastards on the road and streets to see you, let alone pay any attention you need to cover yourself, your bike, your helmet and bag in flashing LED’s.

Then there is the problem of the colour of your clothing. Fluorescent yellow and toxic lime green clothes would suit this perfectly, combined with everything reflective. Unless said other drivers are colourblind, then there may be a problem.

May as well go all out and buy some cyber/moon/padded hotpants from cyberdog too – bike saddles and potholes are not kind to your ass.

Also invest in some energy. If you aren’t as fast as the mopeds and taxis, you get pushed out of the little space you have to squeeze between buses threatening to knock you off and small angry men with fast cars who are too impatiently shouting into their phones to pay enough attention to other people on the road.

To summarise, you need:

  • Gasmask
  • Many LEDs
  • Padded pants
  • Day-glo clothing
  • Amphetamines
  • Guns. They’d help.
Bicyling. Cyber. CYBLING.

1 Comment

  1. been having fun then ? learn the parks 😉

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