This is what a reference should be like.

This made me smile a lot. This is me according to a very awesome funky lady I happen to know. If only all personal references could be like this.

“I’ve known Da Rhiani since she was a foetus in the womb of her surrogate elephant. We always knew she would be tall.
During her time on this planet she has only eaten five babies, but they all deserved it, so I still think she is worthy of a reference of gleaming shiny sparkle with chilli sauce.
Da Rhiani likes cats and also has made friends with one dog therefore she is good with children, as she can skilfully use mice or sticks as incentives.
I think she would be most support to a boy as she’s happy to talk about boobs and has a nice pair of her own.”

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Cybling

In order to survive cycling London, I really, truly may as well become a cyber fag. No seriously, it makes sense.

For one, in order to not gag, wretch, constantly gob and want to vomit, you’ll need a gas mask. After cycling three miles and back, you find yourself unable to shut your mouth for the taste of ROADEATH wanting to come out your throat.

The Cyber bicycling: CYBLING

Next, there is the problem of visibility. A front and back light is not enough. In order for all the other bastards on the road and streets to see you, let alone pay any attention you need to cover yourself, your bike, your helmet and bag in flashing LED’s.

Then there is the problem of the colour of your clothing. Fluorescent yellow and toxic lime green clothes would suit this perfectly, combined with everything reflective. Unless said other drivers are colourblind, then there may be a problem.

May as well go all out and buy some cyber/moon/padded hotpants from cyberdog too – bike saddles and potholes are not kind to your ass.

Also invest in some energy. If you aren’t as fast as the mopeds and taxis, you get pushed out of the little space you have to squeeze between buses threatening to knock you off and small angry men with fast cars who are too impatiently shouting into their phones to pay enough attention to other people on the road.

To summarise, you need:

  • Gasmask
  • Many LEDs
  • Padded pants
  • Day-glo clothing
  • Amphetamines
  • Guns. They’d help.
Bicyling. Cyber. CYBLING.